Owner of a Lonely Heart
by LovelyLytton
Summary: Asked to become godmothers to Chibi-Usa, Mars and Venus become aware of their own imperfections. Written for the 2009 SMfanswap.


**Owner of a Lonely Heart**

She knew exactly where to find her.

After over two-thousand years of friendship, she didn't need to be a mind reader to know where Mars was hiding from the world. She didn't know why, but she knew where.

Teleporting to the ruins of what used to be the Hikawa shrine several lifetimes ago, she wondered at her friend's behaviour.

They had been in Serenity's private quarters and the queen had told them that she wanted to celebrate Small Lady's birth with a proper christening, and both Venus and Mars had been chosen as godmothers. Venus had immediately embraced Serenity in the fiercest of hugs, but Mars had paled and stayed rooted in her armchair. Serenity, oblivious to this over Venus' visible delight, had just turned to Mars to ask her about the details of the ceremony when the senshi had shot from her chair as if bitten and raced out of the lavish room without even so much as a mumbled excuse.

On a solitary rock over-looking the landscape, Rei Hino sat with her customary poise but even so Venus could tell that she was anything but calm. Her henshin pen lay unused beside her. Closing her eyes, Venus transformed and Minako Aino appeared. Ever since secrecy was no longer vital, their former human forms were rarely used. Most of the time they were the senshi; the strong warriors this still new world needed them to be. But here in this place so full of memories, they could allow themselves the luxury of only being Rei and Minako.

She could sense it more than see it, but it was as obvious as if someone would have held a sign over the dark-haired head reading "worry". With the agility that came from constant practice and years of fighting, Minako jumped and landed right next to her friend. Without further ado, she sat down next to Rei but refrained from initiating a conversation. They were alone in this forgotten place of worship.

"When Usagi asked us to be godmothers, I remembered that the nuns at my school taught me that only those with a clear conscience should be considered for this sacred duty." Sneaking her arms around Rei's slender form, the blonde tried to give comfort when she didn't even why it was needed.

"And our conscience is not clear?"

Staring straight ahead as if conjuring the missing temple out of thin air, Rei answered. Her voice was dark, tinged with sorrow.

"No. You and me, we are guiltier than most. We have given into temptation, thrown caution in the wind. We were egoistic and mean and we've made the same mistakes over and over again. Venus, someone else should do this. You shouldn't have accepted." It took Minako a minute to realise the full extent of the other girl's words and only the distress in Mars' violet eyes had Venus biting back an answer that most certainly wouldn't have helped her friend. But still, the accusation that they weren't good enough to be godmothers stung.

"We did what was necessary."

Rei shook her head, "Between you and me, we committed every single one of the seven deadly sins. Every single one. So how should we guide a little girl? We are not fit to be role models."

Suddenly, words were hard to come by and the only sound audible in the deserted landscape was the soft rushing of the wind toying with the trees.

**Lust**

"Venus! Where are you going? Venus!"

But Venus had already escaped to the balcony adjacent to their shared quarters and disappeared into thin air. Of course, Mars did not have think long to realise where the blonde was heading. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last. No one else had put two and two together as of yet, but they would soon. The danger of discovery was already looming on the Moon's velvet horizon. Why the leader of the senshi was willing to sacrifice everything for a few stolen hours in the arms of a man as forbidden as the devil himself, Mars could not fathom. Not because she was above understanding the feelings of desire, but because she was able to resist them and therefore couldn't understand why Venus could not. Venus was not allowed to fall short just because of some Terran general. As a leader, she was supposed to be stronger than all of them. Thinking of Jadeite's falling face as she had told him that as a senshi, she couldn't ever consider marrying, Mars clenched her fists and stared at the darkness.

Hours later, soft footfalls in the hallway alerted Mars to her friend's return.

Now words passed between the two women, but neither of them could sleep that night.

**Wrath**

The Romans would later call Mars the god of war and had historians had any knowledge of the Silver Millennium, they would have immediately made the connection between the god and the princess standing on the blood-soaked battlefield. On the ragged ground that used to be a glorious palace, a vision of peace and prosperity in white marble, the senshi had murder in her eyes. Both of her outstretched hands were burning, the two balls of fire swirling and twisting as if they were begging her to be send into the world to take it down once and for all. The skin on her fingers began to blister, so strong was the force of the flames.

By her feet lay the remains of the only man she had ever loved, but his handsome features had long since disappeared and bared his charred skull instead. His betrayal had hurt the most, so his punishment was the first and the severest to be handed out. She had taken her time with him.

Far in the distance, four people lay on the ground as if they were sleeping. Serenity's white dress was coloured crimson by her own blood. Endymion was no longer a noble prince, he was a corpse. Beryl and Venus lay side by side, something both would have resented bitterly had they any breath left to do so. But Venus had been killed by her lover seconds after she had taken the witch queen down and the noble soldier had died with a pained expression on her face. Gone was the beauty, gone was the life.

So when Kunzite strode towards Mars with his sword still in his hands and the arrogance still on his face, Mars knew that all she could for her friend, for her princess, for her kingdom was to make him suffer.

And so she did.

Above them, the angels cried.

**Envy**

Even though they had known each other for less than a week, they were closer to each other than they were to the other senshi, even to their princess.

The leader and her second-in-command were a force to be reckoned with and Mars felt much better about the upcoming battle against the legions of the Dark Kingdom now that Venus had joined their ranks.

And yet, in the dark hours of the night and the solace of the shrine, Rei couldn't hide from the truth that their just blossoming friendship was tainted already.

Envy was an ugly word, but it was an even uglier sentiment.

While she didn't begrudge Minako her position as their leader, the particular fondness Usagi reserved for her, the white cat guardian devoted to her above all others, Rei sometimes wondered why Minako was chosen and not herself. Venus might have been the last senshi to join their circle but she was immediately included and looked up to. Fighting seemed to come easy to her and she was extremely sociable. Whether she had struggled with her destiny, Rei couldn't say, they hadn't had any opportunity to speak about it as of yet, but the transition must have been smoother than her own. The nagging voice in her mind told her that it was unfair, that it was an arbitrary selection based on their past lives and nothing else.

She herself had killed Jadeite, Makoto had destroyed Nephrite and Minako had taken Zoisite down. They were equally capable, so what set Venus apart? What?

When they met the next morning and Usagi arrived with her arm linked in Minako's, Rei looked away, hiding her emotions behind a cool smile.

bGreed/b

She liked shiny things, always had, always would.

Minako Aino had the prettiest purse, the most recent mobile phone, and as soon as she saw Haruka's helicopter, she knew that she wanted one too.

She was the one that wielded the holy sword of the moon, and she would have quite liked to have something like Pluto's time staff as well. Even the Silence Glaive intrigued her, but she knew that as much as she would have liked similar weapons or powers to those of her fellow senshi, she had hers for a reason. Still, a woman could dream. How much more efficient her protection of the princess could be with better, stronger weapons than the ones she carried.

Luckily, she had Artemis to pester about the possibility of new powers, but she could feel him becoming worried by her constant enquiries. He told her she was greedy, but she insisted she just wanted to do her job the best she could. In truth, it was a mix of both.

The only power she never longed for was that of the Silver Crystal - she was both too loyal and too scared for that. The Crystal was as good as a part of Serenity and to even think about it as an item she would like to acquire was blasphemy and if she believed in anything, she believed in her princess.

**Sloth**

It was Pluto's death that triggered her lapse in faith.

While she still went through the motions, her heart wasn't in it any longer. What made it even worse was that the visions still came, an unwanted gift from a friend she would have rather forgotten.

Of course, her grandfather saw it and it pained him deeply. He tried his best to reunite her with the religion she had grown up loving, but Rei was moving away from Shinto with the same certainty with which the world was turning. Still an adolescent, she was floundering and allowed herself to be caught in the mysteries of her new identity while gradually slipping out of her old one. There were few things she would come to regret as much as this.

In the future, Rei Hino would be forgotten. Shinto would be forgotten. There would no longer be any Catholic schools with overzealous nuns and the only religion that people had was their pagan belief in their queen and her senshi.

But Rei didn't know this yet, all she did know was that the universe seemed to operate under rules she couldn't possibly comprehend. There was no justice if a good woman such as Pluto had to die for saving them all, so what should she pray for when no one was listening?

By the time Pluto was reborn, the distance had become to large to bridge. It was a secret she kept for a long time and the only person in the whole wide world who knew that she had lost her belief was her grandfather. It died with him.

**Gluttony**

Crystal Tokyo was as beautiful as it was empty. The population had shrunk in the battle that brought it about and while history books would speak of it as a time of advancement, miracles, hope and magic, Minako missed the smog, the crowds and the bright billboards that had made Tokyo her home. She missed how the city seemed to have a pulse, a heart beating in sync with her own. She remembered how she had needed the constant sound, the buzz, the voices to sleep at night. These days, the silence was dominant and it unnerved her. But being the leader of the senshi, Minako felt that this weakness was better kept to herself.

However, one thing remained the same in this ever-changing world: food.

So she ate. Pastries, cakes, cookies, muffins. The other senshi laughed at her ravenous appetite, thinking it was a relict from their youth. It wasn't. As a girl, Minako had loved to eat, had enjoyed it. Now she just stuffed herself because she could and because it connected her to whom she had been before her human name was forgotten by all but a select few. Even to those who did remember the lively girl she used to be, she was now only Venus. It was a necessity, but that didn't mean that she didn't resent it with her all her heart and soul.

Pasta, pizza, sushi, soup. She would try everything and eat more than even Endymion after a long day at court. She knew no boundaries, carried on without shame. But then there weren't many who would dare to question her. Not because she was mean to those who did, but because most saw her as a living legend. Outside of the small circle the senshi formed, she was utterly alone. The mother she had always quarrelled with was buried. So was the father she had loved so dearly.

Salad, steak, pie, pudding. As long as it was on the table in front of her, it would find itself being eaten. Only her rigorous exercise kept her from gaining weight, but she practised harder than necessary and more than the peaceful times asked for. Biting into a rice ball, she wondered what had become out of her dream to be an idol. She hadn't sung in years. All the memories had left her and she couldn't imagine that they would return.

It wasn't before long that she discovered a taste in wine. A glass before she went to bed was soon replaced by a whole bottle and just because it was expensive and delicious didn't make it less of a problem. She didn't even notice when she stopped caring and her happy façade was washed away as swiftly as a sandcastle during tide.

**Pride**

When the shitennou returned, the senshis' eyes were watchful and none paid closer attention to the men that Mars and Venus.

In the cold but bright world that they lived in, they remembered everything about their past lives high up in the Moon kingdom and they made sure that Endymion's soldiers were well aware of that. Each look they directed at the soldiers now again sworn to their liege was full of pain and hatred, a mixture explosive in their soulful eyes. Where Mercury and Jupiter followed their queen's example and exerted forgiveness, Mars and Venus barely concealed their contempt.

It was as if the two of them had never done wrong. So certain that they had always served their queen to the very best of their abilities, neither Mars nor Venus were able to accept the shitennou or to forgive them. Their treatment had consequences, for their new world was a small one and in the minuscule universe that was their court, very little went by unnoticed.

Jadeite became more sarcastic than ever before, his venomous tongue was soon feared by all but the royal couple, his fellows, Jupiter and Mercury. For these select few, he had nothing but kindness. He never spoke to Mars, left every room which she entered and remained as distanced from her icy disdain as possible.

Nephrite, lively and vivacious around those who accepted them, seemed to turn into a lifeless statue when Venus and Mars were present. It would take years for him to relax in their presence and to no longer care about the way they treated him. Had it not been for Jupiter, he would have taken his life to escape the guilt that was so heavy on his heart.

Surprising everyone, Zoisite fought them bitterly. He tried everything to atone for his sins and to see his efforts sneered upon by the leaders of Serenity's guard caused him to snap. Only Endymion's intervention kept him and Mars from blowing each other up, so strong was their pent-up rage.

Kunzite was different. He seemed perfectly at ease despite the constant onslaught of scorn directed at him. Whether he was in a meeting with Venus or met her in a hallway, he was never anything but polite. Venus never bothered to find out whether his indifference was real or an act, she simply didn't have it in her to forgive him. After all that he had done to her and to Serenity, she wished he would have never set foot in Crystal Tokyo. Hell was where he belonged, even purgatory was too good for the likes of him.

No one reminded Venus and Mars of their own failings, of their actions while under the command of Galaxia`s mind twisting bracelets. Deep down in the holy gardens of Elysion, Helios prayed that one day, they would be able to forgive the men that were now as much a part of their eternal kingdom as themselves, for their guilt was no heavier than the ones the two women had buried deep in their souls. It was always the sinners who threw the first stone.

***

The blonde leapt from the rock and strode away, her own imperfections called to her attention so strongly that it hurt. The wind played with the large oak trees, the only thing besides the rocks that were unchanged, constant reminders of the past that had been destroyed in the battle for Crystal Tokyo.

Rei remained there for a long time, searching for her former, her better self that seemed to have deserted her at some point in the past. She couldn't find it, no matter how hard she looked. Finally grabbing her henshin pen, she transformed. It was her last transformation; Rei Hino was no more and only the soldier of fire remained.

How could she weep for her own death when she was still breathing?

Three weeks later, Mars and Venus smiled their way through Chibi-Usa christening, ultimately unable to deny Serenity her wish. When the choir sang a beautiful ballad written especially for this occasion by Zoisite, they cast their eyes to the floor and hoped that one day, they could be happy again.


End file.
